I guess I'm just being stupid.
But you know, being guarded is overrated.
Holding back, acting tentative
and because of others?
It just seems...scared.
I'm not asking for a lifetime of happinness
or a white house with blue shutters and a wrap around porch
I'm not asking for anything concrete really.
All I want is stability.
That's all I've ever wanted deep down.
I thought the whole spontaneous-heart fluttering-catch your breath-fun thing was awesome
and it was new and exciting
because I had never been able to run and skip and teeter all in a span of a few days.
I enjoy being able to breathe fresh air
but when it comes to the whole relationship thing?
I ususally have two polar opposites about it:
One is that I wanna be free,
be completely independent and on my own and able to discover whatever I like.
But the second is that I need my one
and that everything seems to make sense when we catch up
and it's all natural
and it's a different kind of happy that I don't normally have
and it's like he moves, I move.
But for now, I can't have stability.
I'm too much of a coward to propose option one
and nothing can be official or stable for another couple of years.
So folks, it looks like I'm at a stalemate here
left standing in the rain or whatever
and in the end, alone
because we're just friends.
Awesome. Totally awesome.